25 MILES

I was a stay at home dad from 1992-2012.  For all intents and purposes, twenty years a single parent.  Tried my very hardest to raise three children in the midst of chronic, raging, abusive alcoholism.  Five years ago she hit bottom and I ran out of hope.

Silver lining is I found myself.

My son Miles Lindgren turns 25 today.  I love him.  And haven’t seen him in exactly five years.

I’ve lost countless nights sleep thinking about him, and my two  daughters.  How I should have taken them out of the terrible situation.  Now back with their mom- I’ve always been told the kids go with the money, all three now refuse to see me.    These are the demons that keep me awake at night.

But I was young once too.  I hated my own mom for  her alcoholism, the beatings, the shame.

Hated my dad for putting up with her.

But I changed.  I  grew up and realized that  there are always two sides to every story and if you only hear one you are missing the whole.  I saw that there are people  that had it much, much worse than I did.  Realized that my mom, given her upbringing, did as best she could.  And I forgave her.

Miles, I still have hope for you, for us.

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I did  the best I could.

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You’re a man now Miles and I miss the hell out of you.