I had a lot of time for this on Sunday morning. I’m not really sure exactly what happened to me but I’m definetly a changed person, at least I feel like I am. All through my “miles of trials” people were telling me “good job”, “looking good”, etc. I hated them for it. How dare they assume to know what was good for me, didn’t they see clearly that I was being tortured?
But they alone didn’t bear the brunt of my internalized venom. Those that came to my aid and asked if I needed help or “do you want me to call a sag wagon?” or offered me a salt tablet or a gu or water or any kind word at all incited the worst damnations. If I shrugged and said “I’m OK”, what I was really wishing for you was the Pit of Despair, a destination I was tragically familiar with.
I was able to feign a few smiles approaching the finish line and even mustered a beso for Nancy’s cheek, but I was still wondering where there was any redemption in putting myself through hell.
It wasn’t until I heard from so many of you, and even some kind words from those I have previously deemed adversarial, that it began to sink in that perhaps, just perhaps, the reason I pushed through was not for me. Those of you that have reached out to me have drawn a curtain away from my eyes and let me see that running isn’t always a completely personal endeavour. That there is some nobility to persevering. That respect isn’t always earned by the ticks on the clock, sometimes more by the beats of a courageous heart, the strides of a battered but not defeated runner. That a willingness to endure trumps casual hubris.
More highlights tomorrow, still good tales to share.
Let me try this video upload thingy…
Watch more video of 2011 Drake Relays on flotrack.org
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