One of the great features of Run Guru Says (vs. my old format) is that I can speak much more freely about things that matter, Real Life as it is. Without worrying about who might be sending complaints to who, these days the buck stops here. You don’t like what I say, don’t read me. You want to file a complaint? Complaint Department, 2908 South 187th Plaza, #317, Omaha, 68130.
Today I tie in running and divorce. Specifically, the divorce rate among baby boomers, those aged 48-65. And more fine, the 50+ age group. Important to me is that this age group has Earned and Deserve the Right to Live their lives as They/We choose. Without judgement from zealots or idiots. Respect your elders! It is most possible that they know more than you.
According to the National Center for Family & Marriage Research, the rate of divorce for those 50+ doubled between 1990 and 2010. And that 1 in 4 of all divorces now come from this age group.
And if they are runners, I’m suggesting you see a direct and drastic increase in mileage. This is based on objective experience from over the last 30 years as well as my own over the last couple of years. Didn’t I run nearly 3000 miles last year?
And what contributes to this high rate of divorce?
The kids are gone or at the age of self sufficiency. Those of us that dedicated 20+ years of raising the children, coming to the realization that they were the only glue keeping together strained and failed marriages. You turn around, the kids are raised, you don’t like who or what your spouse has become and you won’t accept a life sentence of misery. Not that hard to understand.
There is limited time left, even if you consider 40 years limited. And we’re not about to remain in unloving, unfulfilling, and sometimes miserable relationships.
People change and so do marriages. We all start out as idealistic and enthusiastic with our I-Do. Couples starting out with the “Fairy Tale” we’re in this together, forever vows. And some times it works that way. But just not very often any more.
Retirement. You mean you’re going to be here with me All the time now? No thanks.
In-laws. The older you get the more you realize how true the old adage is, “take a look at the parents, you’ll be living with them soon enough.” That some scary business right there.
Silver linings without a playbook:
I still believe in the sanctity of marriage (odd as it is that you license a spouse like you do a pet). I still hope that my children end up among the lucky few that find a life long, loving partner. I hope equally that they have the strength and courage to know and define their own happiness.
I definitely believe in Love. The wonderful, capricious, uplifting, challenging, soaring feeling of company shared. Of caring for. And being cared for. Of laughter. Of standing shoulder to shoulder, facing down those that would claim either moral or legal authority to dictate or describe how life should be lived.
And finally, moving on. Anyone that has gone through the Very Real Pain of divorce suffers. But you’ve got to accept responsibility before you can move on. Trying to blame others is weak and futile. Marriages are over long before emancipation day, don’t try and put it on someone else. If you do, you didn’t learn a thing and will be unable to move on in a positive direction with the rest of your life.
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