For those of you that have failed to yet realize how full of shit I am, well you found out yesterday.
What started out as my annual 4/1 prank turned quickly into something much deeper. Only moments after hitting the publish button the emails and texts and calls offering congratulations began pouring in. One call especially had me a little shaken as the athlete was near to tears. Of course not everyone was fooled, but even a few skeptics were relieved to find out I’m not going anywhere. And for those that are a little disappointed, jokes mostly on them.
I’m entering a golden hued era with my running. Enjoying it more than perhaps ever in my career. The urgency and demands of high level training and racing have slipped into a rearward starting corral. I’m appreciating every step these days, fewer they may be. Averaging a paltry 20-25 miles per week for the last couple of months. Content with a daily 4.5 and a single long run of no more than 8-10. Not carrying the burden of disappointment if I only run 4 days a week. Feeling better physically and emotionally about my efforts. No injuries, no aches or pains, nothing but the most pleasant associations. Having my dear sweet Linda back to training with me has contributed greatly. But it is from within that my solace originates.
I related as much to her on one recent morning. Told her that I have finally reached the point of appreciating running only in a positive light. No more feelings of failure for not giving absolutely everything, every single day. Total contentment. I mentioned that I felt like this new paradigm has made me a better runner. She told me, no, it has made me a better person. Deep stuff there.
But proving that I’m still me, I also lamented that I earned this more relaxing state due to what I’ve put in to the sport over 30+ years. And that people that have never delved to the very deepest, darkest recesses of their relationship with running don’t, can’t have, or deserve the same Real Connection that 80,000 miles over a lifetime brings. That these newcomers with their super hero outfits and fanny packs and flexing biceps for finish line pics just haven’t given enough to the sport, or taken enough out of themselves, to speak to its Real Essence. Once I shed that attitude I know I’ll be just like them, not a chance in hell, praise Buddha.
Now I run for me, not against me. Has it really been this simple all along?
I’ve All. An enduring and endearing image in my life: When I was a kid in Central Illinois, no more than 20, I was driving down a lonesome country road. Came up behind a pickup truck. Obvious that there were two people in the cab, but they seemed to be joined as one, sitting so close. I always thought I deserved someone that wanted and needed to be that close to me. It was All I ever really wanted. The next 30 plus years brought me everything but. Big houses in the right neighborhoods, garish numbers on line 37, money just couldn’t make me happy. Pretending for my kids sake didn’t help but kept me trying. I was still missing and yearning to be loved unconditionally.
She’s with me now. Linda really has made me a better person and a better runner. And I’ve never been happier in my life. Love you baby!
Life is Hard Work. But once your path is clear, Happiness is the prize.
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